the art of letting go: 3 steps to reset and break free from negative patterns

Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a negative pattern that's holding you back from personal growth and well-being? If so, you're not alone. It's easy to get caught up in these cycles, but the good news is that it's never too late to hit the reset button and let go of what's holding you back.

As the midpoint of the year approaches, it's a great time to do some housekeeping. In this week's blog post, we'll explore three steps you can take to break free from negative patterns and reset your life for the better.

Additionally, I'll share a personal case study that will take you through the entire process, so you have a clearer idea of what it entails. Ready to get started?

Restart. Reset. Readjust. As many times as you need to.

1. Doing a Life Audit

The first step to letting go of something or clearing space is to assess where you currently stand. This is what I call a life audit, and it consists of taking stock of anything that is taking up space, time, and mental and physical energy.

If you're experiencing any of these signs, it might be time for a life audit:

Feeling like you're going through life on autopilot.
Feeling overwhelmed and unable to escape your situation (hopelessness).
Feeling chronically unsatisfied and unfulfilled, no matter what you do.
Your emotions control your actions.

Now, the first challenge you might face is not knowing where to start. But don't worry, it's not as difficult to solve as you might think. The best way to combat confusion is always to take a pen and paper and write down what's bothering you, even if it feels like a guess. This initial "braindump" will help loosen your mind and release some of the tension.

Next, divide your life into areas and assess them as if you were an outsider looking in. Objectivity and honesty are key here. Jot down any observations and try to ask yourself what's working and what's not. What area of your life makes you feel the most unsettled?

As an example, here are the areas I consider when analyzing my life: habits and routines, health (mind, body, and soul), relationships, career, finances, physical items/space, digital space, and language learning.

Case study: Career

What is working?

I am always willing to put in the effort to learn new skills and get better at what I do.
I have a few points of reference from other people who have been successful in this area before.
I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses.

What is not working?

I tend to overthink things and talk myself out of applying for new jobs.
I spend too much time on LinkedIn, comparing myself to people who are years ahead of me. This makes me feel anxious and overwhelmed.
My CV needs updating, but I procrastinate on doing it.

2. Understanding Your Inner Narrative and Patterns

One important thing to remember in this process is that if you want to avoid repeating the same negative patterns and finding yourself in the same spot a year from now, you cannot stay on the surface. So don't be afraid to dive in completely.

Take every area of your life and answer the following questions:

What story do I tell myself about this area?
How can I reframe my mind about it? / Let’s reframe my mind to…
What actionable steps can I take?

If you find yourself reverting back to your old negative way of thinking, this is just a residue of your old self, and it's okay. Don't dwell on it or overthink it - acknowledge it, let it go, and remind yourself of why you want to change. The key is to balance being aware and accountable without overly scrutinizing your behavior.

For the actionable steps, the more scared or the more excuses you give yourself, the better they are. Typically, the move you're most afraid to make is the one that will change everything for you.

Tip: To move forward faster, it's better to write your observations down instead of just thinking, as writing uses older, more established patterns in your brain. Additionally, seeing your words on paper makes it easier to track things and make sense of the situation. That's why I'm a huge proponent of daily journaling.

If you're not ready to commit yet, I recommend an easy-to-use and free app called 5-minute Journal.

Case Study: Career

What is the story I tell myself?

I tell myself that no matter what I do, it will never be enough. I believe I lack the natural talent or skills necessary to succeed, and that nobody would want to hire me over someone else. To top it off, why bother trying? It's already too late for me anyway.

Let's reframe my mindset to... (This may feel unnatural at first)

Everyone has their own timeline, and that's okay. I am enough, and I have what it takes to succeed. I just need to give myself time, space, and grace to learn and make mistakes. If others have done it, so can I. I shouldn't compare the back end of my process to someone else's front end.

What actionable steps can I take?

Take three days to work on a completely new CV that better aligns with my present self.
Apply to 30 jobs within a week and keep track of each one, even if I only meet 50% of the requirements.
Reach out to a colleague from my previous job or mentor and ask for their advice.

The Letting Go Process

When you're resetting your life, you may experience overwhelming anxiety when you realize how far away you are from where you want to be. This is a natural part of the process.

To avoid allowing this initial discomfort to throw you off balance and back into a destructive cycle of avoidance and procrastination, keep the following three things in mind:

Drop your expectations: Good things take time, and simply being aware of where you are is already a huge step. Is it realistic for you or anyone else to change their life overnight? The answer is no.
Live in day-tight compartments: From now on, try to avoid fixating on the future, and instead ground yourself in the present day. Just focus on how you can make the present day align with your new self as much as possible.
Trust is like a muscle: This is a process, which means it will become easier with time. Trust works in a similar way. You might not trust that you can make it now, but if you keep "training", you'll be able to build the future that you want with your own hands.

Study case: Career

Two years ago, I found myself at one of the lowest points of my professional life. I had graduated from university at the peak of the pandemic and struggled to find a job in a non-existent market. I eventually found an unpaid internship, but it didn't work out, and I left soon after.

During the third lockdown, I did an exercise similar to this one, and at first, it was incredibly demoralizing. It left me feeling discouraged, and I even considered giving up my animation "career" and going back to higher education.

However, a part of me knew that I was taking a step forward. It might have sucked at the time to fully grasp how critical the situation was, but it was less painful than living in a cloud of avoidance. By changing the false story I was telling myself and addressing each action point one by one. Eventually, I found a job that became my entry point into the industry.

3. Prioritizing your New Values

After conducting a life audit, understanding your unique patterns, and becoming familiar with the process of letting go, it's not wise or realistic to try to tackle everything at once. Therefore, let's prioritize what you should do next.

But how do we determine which areas of your life to address first? Although it may seem difficult, it's actually an exercise in following your intuition. To make the process easier, you can answer the following questions:

How do I feel about life in general right now?
What areas of my life are causing me the most stress?
Which areas currently dictate my decision-making process?

Deep down, I believe we all know what our main pain points are. Some may need to address their careers, while others feel that a significant piece is missing in their relationships or financial lives.

While every area of your life might have things you wish to improve upon, it's unlikely that everything requires the same level of attention. Attempting to stay on top of everything will only lead to stress and potentially cause you to give up. That's why I suggest focusing on only two or three areas at a time.

The good news? Everything is interconnected. For example, the same fear that may be preventing you from applying to new jobs may also be holding you back in your relationships. By working on key issues, other aspects of your life can often fall into place without direct attention.

The Philosophy of Kaizen

Now, I am going to introduce you to a life-changing philosophy that I am sure will prove to be very useful in your "reset" journey. This philosophy is the Japanese concept of Kaizen. Although it’s normally used in the context of business, it can also be applied to your personal life.

Kaizen is a Japanese philosophy that emphasizes continuous improvement in all areas of life. It involves making small, incremental changes over time to achieve long-term growth and development.

The idea behind Kaizen is that by making small improvements consistently, individuals can eventually achieve significant progress and transformation. Think “slow and steady wins the battle”.

Kaizen encourages you to focus on building habits that lead to sustained success over time, rather than trying to achieve immediate results. This approach can be especially helpful for those who struggle with procrastination or inconsistency. By making a 1% improvement every day, you can grow by over 356% by the end of the year.

In his book "The Power of Habits," James Clear similarly states that to achieve long-term success, one must not focus on the goals but on the systems. If we create and maintain effective systems, we can build habits that lead to lasting change.

Summary

Conduct a life audit to check in with yourself and identify areas for improvement. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Uncover your inner narrative, reframe your mindset, and come up with actionable steps to break negative patterns.
Adopt a growth mindset and use practical techniques and exercises (such as journaling, and forgiveness) to reframe negative thoughts and facilitate the letting go process.
Prioritize the areas of your life that are causing you the most pain. Knowing that everything else will slowly start falling into place.
Abandon the all-or-nothing mentality and implement the Kaizen philosophy into your life. Learn to enjoy the place in between.

Remember that letting go is a journey, not a one-time event, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process.

You’re not Alone

To conclude this blog post on a positive note, I want to remind you of how far you've come and how brave it is to take agency over your life. I know firsthand how easy it is to compare our journeys with others and to feel like we don't measure up.

As artists, this is a common pattern of behavior that robs us of joy and drains our creativity. Doing a reset is, first and foremost, to cancel all the outside noise for a minute and give yourself the space that you deserve to create the life that you deserve.

Don’t be afraid to reinvent yourself as many times as you need and to carve out your own path.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post. If you did please share it with someone who might benefit from it. I’ll see you next week,

Jean